


The Attraction of Leaves

by Vanessa_Cocotea



Category: Doctor Who: Eighth Doctor Adventures - Various Authors
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanessa_Cocotea/pseuds/Vanessa_Cocotea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From 2011:</p><p>More sex-crazed leaves...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Attraction of Leaves

'Doctor, you said this place was like the Pennines.' Sam looked round at their rusty-coloured, flat surroundings.

'Yes..' The Doctor replied, somewhat absentmindedly.

'Well, there aren't any mountains, for a start. Or even any hills. This planet looks more like a film set - or a theme park ride.' She heard a funny sort of strangled noise and glanced at the Doctor, curiously. He'd started coughing, rather alarmingly. 'Doctor, are you all right?'

The Doctor calmed himself, still looking a bit weird. 'I'm fine. But, please, Sam, DON'T mention theme park rides, all right?'

'Why not?' She enquired. But the Doctor, shaking his head and refusing to elaborate, just pulled out their pop-up tent and asked Sam to get the insect repellent.

Shaking her own head, and reckoning she'd get it out of him later, she went over to their supplies and got out two plastic box-like objects.

'What are those?' The Doctor asked, looking at them as if they would turn him blue in a matter of seconds.

'Insect repellent. In a clip-on form.' She clipped one on to one of the Doctor's waistcoat pockets and clipped the other one on to one of her jeans pockets. 'No horrid, messy, sticky sprays.' She grinned.

'Well, well! Well done, Sam!' He grinned at her and asked, 'What would you like to do first, after we've set things up? Have lunch? Or go exploring? Or just mess about with the leaves?'

'Eat! We may have a pop-up tent, but there's still a lot to organise and I'm already hungry!' She smiled.

'Right, then! Lunch, it is!' The Doctor set about making lunch while Sam finished getting their campsite ready and wondering what adventures they'd have on the planet, Ambemver. The Doctor had said it was the perfect place to spend the first day of autumn. He'd never been to Ambemver before, but he just knew they'd enjoy it...

A short time later, they were enjoying a fine lunch of vegetable soup - so thick with assorted veggies, that it was more like a stew, crusty multi-grain bread, gingerbread and apple cider. It was delicious and they finished it, well sated and ready for a hike round the surrounding area.

********

It was quite cool on Ambemver, quite like an average day in October in England, rather than September. The scenery really was quite beautiful, Sam reflected. Lots of pretty autumnal colours. It was very quiet and remote in the area they'd chosen for their campsite. Sam wondered if they'd meet any inhabitants...

********

They walked along a dirt path, just talking. There didn't appear to be any other sort of road on Ambemver. But a road of any sort did indicate inhabitants of some kind, at any rate. Sam, taking occasional sips from her water bottle, commented on the abundance of multi-coloured leaves about and the fact that there still seemed to be an abundance of leaves on the trees as well.

'It's quite possible,' the Doctor mused, 'that the leaves grow back almost immediately - the way some lizards and starfish can regrow new limbs. The TARDIS didn't have a lot of information on Ambemver.' He seemed fascinated by something way off in the distance.

Sam grinned, 'Then how do you know Ambemver is the perfect place to spend the first day of autumn? Apart from all the autumn colours about, that is.'

'Well, there is a little matter of several lakes being made of green tea...' The Doctor smiled, a little sheepishly. 'In fact, I believe I've just spotted one...' And he dashed off, taking a blue, cork-stoppered bottle out of a pocket as he ran.

Sam laughed. 'Why am I NOT surprised?' She followed, draining her water bottle as she went. Neither noticed that a number of the leaves seemed particularly "clingy". Or that, when Sam accidentally dribbled a few drops of water on the ground, some of the leaves appeared to be a bit "dazed"...

********

Sam arrived at the lake just as the Doctor was taking his first sip of the lake's green tea. He turned to Sam and grinned. 'Sam, you've got to try this! It's positively excellent!' Sam submerged her water bottle, then drank. The tea was indeed excellent and ice cold. She also noticed there didn't seem to be any leaves floating on the surface of the lake. She mentioned the fact to the Doctor.

'Hmm, that is curious. It's also a bit curious as to why there is a particularly large pile of leaves a few metres along, on the other side of the lake. There don't appear to be any inhabitants about and there hasn't been any wind of note.' He started over to investigate. Sam followed, puzzled as well. They got near the mysterious pile and noticed that the leaves had formed a sort of dam, just on the edge of the lake. They also noticed that, as the Doctor and Sam moved closer to the mound, the leaves appeared to start advancing towards them...

********

They looked at each other and simultaneously realised that their camping trip - and indeed their trip to Ambemver as well, just might be cut short. The Doctor waved to Sam to move very slowly back towards the road. Unfortunately, they didn't get the chance to take more than one step before hundreds of the multi-coloured leaves attacked, making a very familiar noise. Both the Doctor and Sam went down, squirming for their lives, as the leaves clung to them and engaged in some very familiar conduct.

The Doctor soon realised that the leaves weren't leaves, but a very notorious life form. He called out to Sam, in shock. 'Sam! These AREN'T leaves! They're the "kissing creatures" from the planet, Pukkurbuhsce!'

'WHAT??' Sam shouted.

'The kissing crea...'

'I HEARD that! What do we DO!' came the muffled cry.

'I honestly don't know, Sam!' The Doctor replied frantically, his squirming becoming quite exuberant. 'All I know is that they DON'T let go once they start kissing their victims!'

Sam had increased her own squirming to an alarming degree. It was like being kissed by a two-year-old human child - very wet and sloppy. And the "kisses" also tickled like hell. 'Oh great! So, we just lie here and get kissed into oblivion??'

"Don't worry!' The Doctor replied, 'I'm sure we can think of something!'

What the Doctor and Sam didn't realise, was that their squirming had manouevered them to the lake's edge and in seconds, they had both fallen into the icy tea. And the split second their clothing had touched the tea, the kissing creatures had flown off and had then lain dormant at the lake's edge. A few seconds later, the Doctor and Sam came up spluttering to the top of the tea, looked at each other and then laughed. It seemed that the old business about "cold showers" was universally true, even though they'd been the ones who'd taken the cold shower and not the creatures. They also laughed to see the sight of the other. Apart from being soaking wet and in danger of catching colds, they were both covered in autumn coloured spots! The creatures had left their marks, seemingly all over the Doctor's and Sam's bodies!

They got quickly out of the tea, and were starting to hurry back to their campsite and subsequently back to the TARDIS, when the leaves started to stir. They were starting to panic, when fate took a hand and the most incredible freezing rain started and rendered the creatures dormant again. They tore back to their campsite, packed up and took off for the TARDIS as fast as they could.

********

They made it back to the TARDIS without further incident, but both Sam and the Doctor had developed dreadful colds. The Doctor demateralised at once, in case the creatures came to again and made for the TARDIS...

They then made for the pamper room to help stave off the worst of their colds. The TARDIS had thoughtfully put the laundry room just across from the pamper room and the Doctor took their sodden clothes to the Martian cleaning machine. Back in the pamper room, he and Sam spent some time in the hot tub, just recovering. Later, after they'd got settled in the sauna, Sam leaned over and kissed the Doctor.

After he'd returned the kiss, he asked, smiling, 'What was that for?'

Sam grinned. 'I just wanted to be reminded of what a NORMAL kiss was like! Eesh! Those creatures kissed like insatiable human two-year-olds - wet and sloppy! It also tickled like mad!'

'Yes, that does seem to be a very accurate description of the creatures' kissing technique.' The Doctor laughed. 'After we've recovered, I should see if I can find out some more about Ambemver.'

'Ambemver? Maybe, you should try looking up Pukkurbuhsce! I mean, were the creatures just annoyed by cold water - they didn't seem bothered by the cold air, or were they frightened by the water? Or what? And why were their kisses wet? If they are afraid of water, why weren't the kisses dry? Was it some sort of sap?' Sam brought up another point. 'And will there be any lasting ill effects from their attack?' She looked down at herself and at the Doctor. 'And how long are we going to be saddled with all these bloody spots, hmm??'

'That's a point, Sam. Several, in fact! I'll look up both planets. Find out if there's a reason why the creatures go to Ambemver.'

********

An hour or two later, after both the Doctor and Sam had gotten dressed again and he'd done more research on both planets, the Doctor went in search of Sam. Somewhat surprisingly, he found her in the forest, at the edge of the fairy meadow - sitting in a pile of leaves.

He chuckled. 'Don't tell me, you wanted to be reminded of what NORMAL leaves are like, right?'

'Got it in one!' She grinned. 'So, what did you find out?'

He settled down beside her and related what he'd discovered. 'Well, there are people on Ambemver. They've all moved to the colder, wetter parts of the planet. It seems that the kissing creatures discovered Ambemver some time ago and decided it was the perfect place to go on holiday. Apparently, tourists arrive just like we did, expecting to enjoy all the autumn colour and then they get a nasty surprise. Since the native Ambemvarians have abandoned most of the planet, because of the creatures, there's no one to update the data on the creatures. They reckon that since the attacks are relatively harmless, they needn't bother.'

'As for the creatures, cold water does seem to dampen their spirits, as it were. And, yes, they do release a sort of sap when they kiss. And, ice cold water is the ONLY way to stop them. It's not lethal to them, just saps their desire and all their energy, making them very weak. It doesn't rain all that often on Ambemver and they know to keep away from the lakes, so they quite enjoy all their opportunities on the planet.'

Sam looked thoughtful, then asked. 'You said they were harmless, right?' The Doctor nodded. Sam continued, 'Did it say how long the spots last?'

'Not long, don't worry! They'll be gone in a couple of months.' He grinned.

'A couple of MONTHS??' Sam looked aghast! 'I have to look like this for MONTHS?? You ARE joking, right?'

'No, that's what the data said.' He smiled at her. 'Come on, it's not so bad! And besides, Sam, you're a woman. Wouldn't you just love having a lipstick that would last so long!'

Sam gave a mirthless chuckle and said, sarcastically, 'Yeah, and a lot of wandering husbands would be positively ECSTATIC about it!'

The Doctor laughed. 'Take your point, Sam! Take your point!' He got up and held out his hand to her. 'Come on, I know the perfect cure!'

Sam rolled her eyes. 'Tea?'

'Tea!' They headed for the TARDIS kitchens, Sam remembering something on the way. 'By the way, Doctor, you never said why theme park rides freak you out so much...'

FIN


End file.
